There is a peace that comes from understanding that I don't have to know it all. That there are just some things that will never make sense to me and that I won't understand until I get to Heaven.
Do not confuse this with the phrase ignorance is bliss because it is not that at all. I want to understand, but at a certain point you have to just relinquish the reigns and say, "Ok. I am going to be ok. And if I don't get this now, there is a reason for it."
I just feel like I have been driving myself insane trying to understand my actions along with everyone else's. I give up. If God wants me to know the when, where and the how, then he will make it present to me at the best time.