What Am I Doing Here?

I am asking myself that question right this moment. How could I have allowed myself to get so bad that I need time away in order to regain control of my life, and to give God control again. I am afraid, scared shitless in fact, by the unknown. On the same level though I am excited by the unknown because my life has been so predictable the last couple of years. Wake up, whenever that is, eat, play some cards, perhaps play golf, eat again, not leave the neighborhood and go to sleep. Pathetic. I finally grew so tired of that routine I had to leave. I miss my family, all of them. Specifically, I miss my boys and I miss Brittani so much. I am praying that God either restores my marriage or releases me from these feelings. Keep me in your prayers, I will need them more now than ever.