One Last Bump?

Remember the scene from Lord of War when Nic Cage drops his brother, Jared Leto, off at rehab the first time and he gives him one last bump of cocaine? Im trying to figure out what my last bump will be. Suggestions?

Final Leg

We are in the final leg of our drive today. Last night, after 8 hours of driving we decided to stop in Houston, Texas. Houston is a really beautiful city, it reminds me of a shrunken Manhattan. I often wonder if with my anxiety I would do better in a city like Manhattan, or in some rural part of the country because I find myself most anxious in two very different but specific situations. The first, when I am completely alone, when I dont feel like there is anyone around that if something were to happen to me nobody would ever know. The second, when I am driving and get trapped in, say at a traffic light in the middle lane where I cant move. It seems my anxiety is a bit of a catch 22, its like c'mon, I should get atleast one place where I feel secure. That is all about to change though. I'm certain I will encounter a number of thin situations over the next 40 days and I am certain as well that God will bring me through every one of them.
I have been speaking to Brittani a couple times a day since I left. I think in the beginning that will be the hardest part of my journey. I have expectations for every relationship in my life but I am having to release those expectations to God because I dont think they will ever be like what I envisioned them to be like as I age. My life over the last five months has been completely stripped from me. My relationship with my mother has done a 180' turn. My friendship with Ryan will never be what I want it to be because we are different people and he has gotten married. Kelly is moving away, Joel is coming of age, and Brittani is gone. I really wish I had cleaved to my wife like Ryan is doing when I had the chance. I admire him for that. This is an area where I know that Papa Phillips will be able to guide me through. I am drawn to him like I am drawn to Damon because they are two people who I know have struggles and who I can clearly see God through them. Im not saying that I cannot see God through anyone else, just that I spend the most time interacting with them so it's more clear.
My hotel room in Houston is amazing! I was put on a very modest budget to get out here, which is different because its another time I miss Dad because I know he would have shipped me off in style. I mean the whole nine yards, 5 start hotels, a Mercedes to drive out in, room service, spending money, all of it! Its probably better that thats not the case anyway, because thats not what Im making this trip for. Back to the hotel room! Its a $349 per night room at the InterContinental in Houston. How did I spend that on a hotel room with a modest budget you ask? Well, its simple, we snuck in! Seriously though, I used Priceline.com and got the room for just under $100 dollars. God really looked out for me I guess. Im actually going to take a picture of the room because I would like to decorate my room like it when I get home. Here is a stock photo from their website for you to enjoy.
We are getting ready to get on the road so God bless all and remember to March Forth!

On The Road... Again.

If you break down that chorus from a very popular song it contains an entirely different meaning to me than it does anyone else I know. I never thought I would be on the road again. As I drove through the different states today, Alabama, Mississippi, I was so proud that I was able to experience being in those areas of the country once again. And I also felt freed from my dungeon that for the last year and a half has been 1238 Queens Island Court. I felt liberated too from the feelings that come with, at this moment, living in Jacksonville for me; Im talking about regret, self-hatred, doubt, anxiety, among many others. Well, I think this is a good start to this my new blog. I am in a hotel room, and I have some food waiting.





We are momentarily leaving Mississippi, this is the Mississippi state flower, its a magnolia.

Gorgeous.

Scientology is Risky Business

Wikipedias' Definiton of Scientology

Scientology is a body of teachings and related techniques developed by American science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard. It began in 1952 as a self-help philosophy, an outgrowth of his earlier self-help system, Dianetics, and later described itself as a new religion. It says it offers "an exact methodology" to help humans achieve awareness of their spiritual existence across many lifetimes and, simultaneously, to become more effective in the physical world. The name "Scientology" is also used to refer to the often controversial Church of Scientology, the largest organization promoting the practice of Scientology, which is itself part of a network of affiliated corporations that claim ownership and sole authority to disseminate Dianetics and Scientology.
A stated goal of Scientology is to rehabilitate the thetan (roughly equivalent to the soul) to regain its native state of "total freedom." Church spokespeople and practitioners say that Hubbard's teachings (called "Technology" or "Tech" in Scientology terminology) have saved them from many problems and enabled them to better realize their highest potential in business and in their personal lives.[1][2] However, outside observers—including journalists, lawmakers, and national governing bodies of several countries—have alleged that the Church is an unscrupulous commercial enterprise that harasses its critics and brutally exploits its members.[3][4]
Although Scientologists are usually free to practice their beliefs, the organized church has often encountered opposition. While a number of governments now view the Church as a religious organization entitled to the protections and tax relief that such status brings, others view it as a pseudoreligion, a cult, or a transnational corporation.